nightly gratitudes.

i'm grateful for a delightful today + a better tomorrow.
i'm grateful for alone time to reflect.
i'm grateful for the ability to express my deepest darkest feelings to strangers.
i'm grateful for sincerity.
i'm grateful for feelings of doubt + then having the ability to trust my gut.
i'm grateful for meeting the boys of The Season Premiere.
i'm grateful for one of the hardest but best years of my 23.
i'm grateful for a working heart.
i'm grateful for a beautiful, loving, fantabulous family.
i'm grateful for randomness.
+ i'm grateful for crazy. stupid. love.

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

crazy. stupid. love.

Awhile back i wrote a blog that contemplated the rules that govern love. Well through all deliberated viewpoints i say 'screw the rules.' In the time it takes you to learn those rules you have potentially missed out on all the raw emotions and moments. I mean really...what happened to romance? What happened to secret notes being passed + car doors being opened + lame pick up lines + slow dances in the rain in the middle of the street + her favorite flowers + cliches + raw first dates + hopeful forevers + awkward silences + spelling your feelings in candles + picnics on the beach + so on so forth. i mean when someone says 'ohh those things only happen in movies.' Well yea sure... hell why do you think that is? It's because we are all busy saying that + not doing it. romance is not about being lazy and unthoughtful...it's about the significance of your conversations with someone + knowing what makes them smile...knowing what makes them tick...the significance of GETTING to know all of that about a person. i mean the trip to loving someone is almost equal to when you first realize you DO love them. Effort is the first way to a persons heart, girl or guy. it may be crazy to love someone, it may be stupid to fight for them, but when you find your soul mate their love is worth the fight, the will to never give up. Through all hard, through all good, through all. just a thought i had tonight. a thought we should all think about from time to time.

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

nightly gratitude.

i'm grateful for my ability to forgive myself + others.
i'm grateful for music defining life.
i'm grateful for memories of always and forever.
i'm grateful for a strong heart.
i'm grateful for the support of my family + friends.
i'm grateful for my drive to work hard.
i'm grateful for my brothers.
i'm grateful for both sides of the story.
i'm grateful for my chances to travel thus far.
i'm grateful for my education.
i'm grateful for my faith in 11:11.
+ i'm grateful for my internal maps of where i've been + where i want to go.

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

nightly gratitude.

i'm grateful for my family.
i'm grateful for the laughter my life encompasses.
i'm grateful for a job that pays my bills.
i'm grateful for my strength.
i'm grateful for fate + hope.
i'm grateful for a past masked as tragedy that has morphed + has smacked me in the face with reality.
i'm grateful for my passion in life.
i'm grateful for the look in the eyes of those who love me for who i am.
i'm grateful for a healthy body.
i'm grateful for the few that'll always be there for me when i look over my shoulder.
i'm grateful for you.

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

victory belongs to the most persistent.

bucket list. august of 2011-january of 2012. no particular order.

1. go to california.
2. finish a full chapter in my book.
3. pay off my credit card bill.
4. to focus on me. to spend time on me + so things happen for me.
5. to find my first tour manager job.
6. meet Christina Perri + see her in concert.
7. get a tattoo.
8. buy myself something expensive.
9. sing in front of a crowd.
10. weed out the bad seeds in my life + cherish the good ones.
11. start writing nightly gratitude lists.
12. do the insanity workout in full + lose fifteen lbs.
13. stop drinking coca cola on a daily basis.
14. cleanse my room of chaos.
15. help a stranger take a step in the right direction.
16. if I have a chance to make it—I’ll take it.
17. learn to play my ukulele (beyond a couple songs).
18. develop a concept for my non-profit organization.
19. spend more time with family.
20. find a peaceful love in my self + in another.

twenty things to come true in six months. what does your checklist look like?


xoxo

Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

no longer fixed at zero.

man oh man. hey World! If you haven't noticed--lately writing in this beloved blog of mine has come far and in between with the life i have developed this past year. between the most draining full time job to hours upon hours of passion filled freelance work to finding a second job i have little time to pour my soul to all those who care to read. neglecting this blog-i realized-isn't just hurting those who enjoy the read but myself. i have realized that although very public, this typed diary helps me cleanse. it helps me rid my days of negativity and inhale a positive aora. we all know the positive is necessary to survive in this life we live. the negative i have undoubtedly been rained on by was like a vulcher on my shoulder telling my to give in. to give into the comfort of settling. to give into the unhappy endeavors i was partaking in. to give into the laziness. to give into my biggest fear-failure. never did I think that after 23 years of life i would still be in this small town with barely anything checked off my list. so what you ask is my determination to all of a sudden get out of this quicksand that I unfortunately have been slowly sinking in for a year? well i intend to share with you a bucket list of the things i have already checked off my list but also the things i want to and will complete in the next six months. now six months may seem like a long time..but really is it? what were you doing six months ago? that was back in March. ! . yea people it is already August! we have to get on our goals. whether i am sleeping 8 hrs or 2 hrs a night i will do the things on my list because i know these are the things that make me incredibly happy. they make me who i am. i went from being an incrediblly driven individual to that person who gets caught up in comfort, bills, and busy life. i lost track of me. crystal kimberly. time to change that. no longer will i be fixed at zero but rather i will be reaching for dreams, goals, love, freedom from disappointment and negativity. i will surround myself with only positive passion and fulfillment. and i hope you do the same. my next blog will be the bucket list i intend to complete in the next six months. stay tuned.

much love
xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

p dot s

this is time to become a new vintage me.(i know it sounds like a oxymoron/juxtaposition--but it is what i intend to be...a newer version of the old me)

i love you all.

What does Lovestrong mean to me...?

Lovestrong is much more than just a word. It is much more than just an idea or an emotion. It is much more than an action or a potential. It is a movement. A movement both internally to the individual and external to the masses. We love and enable ourselves to fall victim to vulnerability. We may even lose ourselves in that vulnerability in hopes of gaining just as much love as we give. Well... lovestrong is when we fall so far into vulnerability and then come to the realization that we are much stronger than that. We gain control of ourselves in order to crawl out of that hole of lost emotion. The hole of empty love. The hole of lost thoughts and feelings. Lovestrong is the amazing feeling when you realize how much you're worth. Lovestrong is the incredible dance we dance between the gray shades of black and white of a relationship. It's getting back onto our feet, letting go of the past and our misconceptions of a relationship in which did not work out how we presumed it would. Lovestrong is saying it is okay to be sad and taking that sadness and utilizing it as fuel. Fuel for the heart to be stronger. Fuel for the heart to smile. Fuel for the heart and soul to no longer be governed by rules. It's believing in a better tomorrow even if pain is what you must undergo. it's fully admitting to how you truly feel as opposed to submitting to it. It's transitioning from a caged heart to a freed soul through a fresh start. It is finding peace within and spreading that to all points in your life. Lovestrong is utilizing your wrongs in life in order to inspire your rights in life. Lovestrong is knowing that no matter what ...There is good around the corner and you will do whatever you have to to pick yourself up to get there. Lovestrong is taking your black and blues and ridding them of all pain. it is basically to me the happiness you find in yourself by picking up pieces and utilizing what made them fall apart to better yourself.


Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly
xoxo

lovestrong.

lovestrong.
Do you ever wonder about the good behind each word?
The feelings in which each of us have undoubtedly preferred.
As you go left I attempt to go right.
A dance lost in the gray shades of pure black and white.
Finding a place to stand, while you swirl around the potentials.
Instead of finding a place to land, we jump the puddles of all nonessentials.
Worries are lost in the shadows of what unknowns we once were.
While happiness crawls in the being that meeting made occur.
Wonders hung over the pedal of an unforgettable calla lily.
Is this perfectly imperfect moment too good for a being like me.
Happiness is much more than a smile to a face, or a beat to the thriving heart.
Happiness is conceived in the center of the soul, the pain of fire getting a restart.
When a never says never, lovers say love does exist.
For love is forever, a feeling one can't take and ignore or try to resist.
While most lovers grasp the love they are proud to wear on their shoulder.
Some lovers hide in the past love that most lose when they grow older.

lovestrong.
Who says love has any rules or that rules are what govern love?
Who says that there's a right or wrong when a heart beats so strong?
Who believes in forgetting yesterday in order to be okay today?
Who believes in a better tommorow, if pain is what you must forego?
Why not be governed by love rather than trying to control it?
Why not reveal how you truly feel as opposed to choosing to submit?

lovestong.
Deliberations of a street no longer walked.
slowly losing concrete in the whiteness of a passing season.
While eyes had once been deeply interlocked.
transpired into a blindness with an age of underlying reason.
What was brought up suddenly.
began to ice over as one sat too quietly.
Something one never thought to expire.
a lonely girl tangled in life's neverending love wire.
Caged by a heart and freed through a fresh start.
Never really knowing what to say, emotions always getting in the way...

lovestrong.
her chance to turn and run.
even with love in plain sight.
choosing to stay-for the past is over being done.
No more divided black and white.

lovestrong.
a feeling of release emits into the air.
an emotion existing for which you can not prepare.

lovestrong.
life has brought us to this moment of fearless heartache.
it's time to push on the gas before hesitations urge life's emergency brake.

lovestrong.

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

lifestrong.

So...it has been months upon months since I have even attempted writing a heart filled blog. These past couple months have been filled with changes...changes I would of never imagined. Changes that have consumed me not only physically but emotionally, mentally, and both externally and internally. Changes in my career. Changes in my personal life. Changes in my wants. Changes in my needs. And most importantly changes in me as an overall person. I've dealt with success and failure at the same time. I have felt pain smack me across the face as happiness made my heart beat to shy away the pain. I've traveled and not traveled enough. I've loved and not given love enough. I've cried and laughed. I've helped and been helped. I've dreamt and dreamt bigger. I have checked some things off my list and added ten more to fill it's place. I have watched those who deserve to be watched and hid from those moments that need darkness. I've been between moments of black and white only to fall into the shades of gray. I've reminisced of the past and lost myself in the potential of a future. I've thought of the present and ran away of change needed to get to that future. Yet even when trying to avoid change here I am...changed.

I have had much time to think about life-as i always do regardless of any time restraint, but I recently came to the realization that I am a person of question marks. There is always more that I want. And yes this want factor makes me a very driven person but there is never an answer to all the questions of Crystal Kimberly. I guess that is what makes life ...life though. Aren't we all searching for an answer? Aren't we all living life to strive for more and in the process grow? Whether you are in repair from a loveless bruise or running around with the heart of life you will always question and search for an answer. That i think is what makes me lifestrong.

You have to have a good head on your shoulders in order to prosper in life. I've had both detrimental and amazing times in a matter of months. I've road tripped across the country and shot a music video while meeting amazing, incredible people, but I have also lost some significant people and moments in my life. It's a give and take world and I have just learned what taking means. You can't go through life being 100% giving. I have tried that and it was great but it also always left me with a mere empty feeling inside at times. I could never figure out why I wasn't one hundred percent happy when I had such a great life to be thankful for. Well traveling across the country, taking an idea I had and transforming it into a tangible, full scale production made me realize why I had that once empty feeling. You ALWAYS have to take time for yourself and do something YOU want/need to do regardless of what other people think. Who cares if someone doesn't think it's possible. Who cares if there are those who deny you'll reach success or those who refuse to admit you are right in doing what makes you happy. It is your life and you have to be lifestrong in order to make the best and most out of it. It's your path to paint, it's your path to follow, and it's your path to conquer. Don't let bumps in the roads or negative situations ruin your ability to conquer your painted path. Give while you take and take while you give for that mindset will get you where you want to be, and those who love you will be right by your side helping you paint a longer and greater path to conquer on your way.

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

i love you all. thanks for reading. and watch out for many more words in the next few weeks. i'm back:).

So Important!! Everyone read:) The Season Premiere Music Video for 'Anything But Love'

IMPORTANT! Everyone, I have been working on this project for months now &need your help! Go to this site :: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ajsherman/the-season-premiere-anything-but-love-music-video and read more & donate to this amazing project:) Spread the word & love to everyone and anyone.♥ & Thank you all so much from myself, my crew, and the band. Haven't you ever wanted to showcase your talents but didnt have all the amenities necessary in order to do so?! Well this is our chance and we really need your help!! So look over the video and read the write up. Everything counts whether your donate 5 dollars or 100 dollars, or whether you just tell everyone about this and check up on the project when we finish:) Thank you all and Love you so much<3

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

Dress your wounds, trust your strengths, and face the night. Crave the touch, feel the pain, and know the signs.

I have a quick topic I'd like to blog about. Short and sweet but it's a topic I was discussing with a friend of mine and I want to express my views on it...Sometimes individuals go through things we can't seem to explain or comprehend no matter how many hours are spent interpreting or contemplating different situations. Ultimately some things are unfortunately out of our hands. And really sometimes we must take certain endeavors and learn from them as opposed to being defeated by them. The best example that can be utilized is love. Ideally individuals use love as an excuse to not work hard at a relationships. They say 'All that matters is that you are in love.' Well I am sorry to break it to everyone but love isn't always enough, and getting to the point where you accept that is the most mature level one can be at. We all go through the ups and downs of relationships, but no one should ever regret any experience they have had. Each experience grows a new characteristic, a new knowledge in each of us. That knowledge then begins to turn into a fundamental stepping stone in life. These stepping stones are the mind's thoughts expressed in each heart beat. Now I think some of us tend to get so lost in the arguments and the problems that we rely on hope to get us through. Yet there is so much more involved in a relationship. It really isnt just about love or hope. It's about the fight, about the will, about the appreciation, and about the happiness. When you get to caught up in the bad..you tend to forget the good and your begin to lose not only the relationship but yourself in a black hole of whys. Contemplating why all the time is more detrimental than anything, and ultimately it leads to defeat. So you must; Dress your wounds, trust your strengths, and face the night. Crave the touch, feel the pain, and know the signs in order to be okay and live life the way it's intended to be lived. That is all:) Goodnight bloggers!!

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

Believing in the Dance of Love and Life...

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

The power of a Social Network-

So as I arrived home today after seeing the movie Social Network I could not help but think about the significant influence and affect social networks actually have had on this world- internally and externally that is. I mean think about it...How many times do you check your facebook, twitter, tumblr, blogs, myspace... a day? We basically have computers in the palm of our hands and eyes glued to those devices 50 percent of the day. Think about the potential and ease of access connected to that fact. Our world has been externalized on this thing we call the Internet. Now not only do our roommate's/friends/family/significant others know what we are doing, but so does everyone who we choose to share that with on the lovely 'world' of the Internet. Think about the capabilities that these social networks have and have had-good and bad.

But.... what really is a social network? Is a social network an external device utilized with the tip of our fingers across a keyboard.?.?.Or is our social network the many face to face encounters we endure on a daily basis? I mean ideally we want both..right? To be able to keep in touch with people, and share our lives with those who would not necessarily be able to be part of it on a daily basis. Yet at the same time we want to be able to walk away from that network and go to real life encounters and socialized settings. I guess that is why there is such an enormous buzz with things such as: facebook and twitter. I, personally, use both plus some of these other social networks and I think they have been a very positive addition to the lives of many. It is actually crazy to think how fast information spreads utilizing these sites, as if it wasn't flowing fast enough before all of these sites came into existence. You can type something on twitter and all your followers, whether you have 30 or a million, will see it within seconds. This is significantly beneficial in so many ways. Think about the possibilities it has brought to charities, movements, and businesses...

Being that I have a marketing degree- I have learned the power of words, and the power of words on a network where thousands of people tune in JUST to read those words....the possibilities are endless. That is REAL power. A power of intriguing people to the point where they fixate on these status updates and picture uploads... it is quite incredible. But then there is also debate as to whether this is actually a good thing? Do we really want people to know every detail of our lives?! Some write where they are and what they are doing constantly on the sites...is that really safe? People share their lives with friends AND strangers...is that responsible? And then what about the professional realm of it?? I have heard so many stories of friends being denied jobs or fired for things they said on twitter or pictures they posted on facebook? Yes- everyone has their skeletons, their personal lives...but should we integrate that personal life into a network that blurs the lines of professionalism and socialization? I'm not too sure we should. Facebook went from a very exclusive network to a network like all others. Once strictly for college students, facebook has opened it's doors to any single person with a mere email address. What really sets it apart from the rest anymore? Of course some may argue Facebook is worth the amount it is worth (25 billion dollars) because it began to integrate: business, advertising, and no strict exclusivity. However, did that in turn take away it's diversification? I don't know...I guess this is a personal opinion each individual has to arrive at on their own. It is just quite crazy to think about how the youngest billionaire in the world, Mark Zuckerberg-26 years young, was able to create this online hang sesh where people spend a significant amount of time on each day.

Someone said to me tonight,

'It is crazy to think that every individual is just one idea away from being a billionaire.'

Now I being the person I am... do not agree with this statement 100 percent but with the right resources, knowledge, background, and drive an idea CAN form into a monumental movement in this world that will go down in history. And that IS a power many can inherit with hard work.

Think about it....

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

Pursue Your Drug

I think everyone has a drug. I know---bold statement right? I really find this to be true though. I mean look at musicians-they live, eat, sleep, breathe music. Artists-they pour their souls into each paint stroke, photographers spend their lives traveling to get that one picture...Designers spend countless hours throwing back red bulls and staring onto computer screens, sketching, and thinking about what is next. Scientists sleep in labs in hopes of not missing any detail of any experiment. Me...? Well I have been consumed with, occupied with, and in love with words. Words? A huge emphasis on the question mark you must all be thinking. Well I have been writing since I can remember. Of course what I used to write way back in diapers isn't the same as now...but like everything our skills grow with experience and time. Time really has only brought me closer to realizing not only how much I want to write, but how much I HAVE to write. This blog is just a tiny glimpse of what I write. I write as much as you probably eat a day, if not more. It's as if I can't breathe if I go too long without picking up a pen to write my thoughts, or open my lab top to type out a few sentences. I mean think about your drug? Do you watch too much Lost-and when I say that I know all you Lost watchers would kill me and say you could never watch enough Lost. And that is exactly my point...That is YOUR drug. I could not write enough in a day. Imagine what you could not live without...what you obsess over on a daily basis. There is a reason for that obsession, and that is what we should all realize.

Point being- Whether we want to realize it or not...we all have our drugs. Ultimately I think we should all figure out what our drug is and pursue it*. If you love something enough do it! Please for goodness sake. As cliche' as people are when they say, 'life's too short.' It is true!! Duh...why would SO many people say it?! So yea...my drug is writing!! What is yours?? I am curious.

* When I say 'pursue your drug'...I want to make it clear: I do not condone the utilization of tangible drugs. I just wanted to clear that up. I am not saying druggies hey...keep shooting up. That is bad, illegal, and icky! I'm just sayin'. :)

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

P(oint) O(f) V(iew)

This single spot, embraced by her essence. Left alone, in thoughts of your adolescence. Mirrors of emotion staring right through your eyes. Feelings that consume her, for that is how your heart replies. A mind of a lonely guy speaks through the silence of his non verbals, as does the way a girl battles with her mind and heart's constant, intangible pulls. She needed saving from her wonder man, an unspeakable task. However she too silent, unable to fully ask. You were expected to climb higher than the rest. An unfamiliar ground could defeat you, ultimately make you second best. The cape of saving your love, a duty too much to expect. Faults you were innocent of, that she did ultimately choose to neglect. Time set in, in which you both came to realizations. The super power of love means more than pure obligations. Your moments with her and her moments with you, created simplicity in each point of view. Love is love without the little recognitions, but gratitude should be used without any presuppositions. Two single beings equal one coupled heart. There lies a significant need to take the moment from each person's part.

Point of views encompass the corners of each mind. And without contemplation of one anothers, a relationship could forcefully be redesigned...

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly