to be loved or to love more.
i can't help but ponder about a conversation that my best friend + i had last week. the question i was asked was, in a relationship of two people, does one of those individuals love the other more? in a serious relationship, where both people confess to being madly in love, is there one of them that is actually more in love than the other?
well.. my initial thought is yes. in twenty five years, as many of those close to me know, i have been in a decent amount of relationships. welp, i would go as far as to say there has been minuscule amounts of time in my life where i was actually single. throughout all of those relationships there has always been someone whom i believed was loved less. sometimes it was the person i was with + sometimes it was me. of course at that moment + time i wasn't knowing of this, but looking back analyzations show truth that the relationship did not work, because the love was not equal. but then again ... someone could argue that it was not true or real love if someone was being loved less. love is supposed to be equal. love is supposed to be mutual. love is supposed to be free + real. right? so really how can someone conclude that? who are we to compare each others feelings? that is like comparing our suffering with another's suffering. my love is different than your love. my way of showing love is also different than someone else's way. yes, there are societal expectations of how to show love or how to be in love, but there is no concrete right or wrong way to BE IN love.
love is precious + delicate. well, so are we. we each have had our own experiences. we each have had our own struggle. our own past. you cant take love + life + put numbers to it. feelings are not statistics. feelings are vulnerable + ever changing. love is unique + imperfect. it is not comparable as much as we in this society try to make it. all the medium out there that portrays the 'ideal' act of love- just because love is portrayed in certain ways on the television, in a movie or book, or even in a melody to a song... those outlets of that view of love are there, but it doesn't mean those are the only ways to love or be loved. if someone is in a relationship they have a relationship that NO ONE else in this world has. why? well because you are the only YOU + same goes for the other person in that very relationship. no one else in this world can have that. meaning, how would you ever know if one of you loved the other more? you wouldn't. i mean...you could presume or convince yourself that you love your significant other more because they say 'i love you' less or they don't buy you a gift just because like you do. but isn't that what gets in the way of love in the first place? aren't we distracted by the ideal, perfect love BECAUSE of society? + doesn't that 'ideal love' cause our relationships to fight + struggle + hurt? yes it does. simple answer.
so to me the question is not really, does someone in a relationship love more than their significant other? the question is are you TRULY in love? + guess what? the only way to find that out is to live + love them. it is to grow with that person + if nothing else learn from each other. people may look at me and think, 'gosh she has been in many relationships.' but who cares? i sure don't. love is an amazing thing. i do not regret a single thing in this world. + i do not care what others think. i only care that i am now certain; due to my past experiences, past loves, past mistakes, that i have found my true love. my penguin. my soul mate. it may have taken years of heartbreak. it may have taken thinking i was in love when i was not. + it may have taken me being in love + losing that to see that my current relationship is equal. it imperfect + real at the same time, + that kind of makes it perfect.
in conclusion; i find questioning whether you are in a relationship where the love is not equal to actually be your loves demise. love is about trusting. if you trust your love + your significant other...let time + life show you if you are equal. if you are meant to be. there is no real concrete way to tell if you are both loving equally. this isn't an equation or a class for one semester in school. this is life + you should be fair to yourself. love fully + everything else will fall into place.
it is something to think about. i love you all. thanks for reading + if you have a different thought process tell me! i'd love to hear them!
xoxo
perfectly imperfect
crystal caisse
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