the equality of love.

to be loved or to love more.

i can't help but ponder about a conversation that my best friend + i had last week. the question i was asked was, in a relationship of two people, does one of those individuals love the other more? in a serious relationship, where both people confess to being madly in love, is there one of them that is actually more in love than the other?

well.. my initial thought is yes. in twenty five years, as many of those close to me know, i have been in a decent amount of relationships. welp, i would go as far as to say there has been minuscule amounts of time in my life where i was actually single. throughout all of those relationships there has always been someone whom i believed was loved less. sometimes it was the person i was with + sometimes it was me. of course at that moment + time i wasn't knowing of this, but looking back analyzations show truth that the relationship did not work, because the love was not equal. but then again ... someone could argue that it was not true or real love if someone was being loved less. love is supposed to be equal. love is supposed to be mutual. love is supposed to be free + real. right? so really how can someone conclude that? who are we to compare each others feelings? that is like comparing our suffering with another's suffering. my love is different than your love. my way of showing love is also different than someone else's way. yes, there are societal expectations of how to show love or how to be in love, but there is no concrete right or wrong way to BE IN love.

love is precious + delicate. well, so are we. we each have had our own experiences. we each have had our own struggle. our own past. you cant take love + life + put numbers to it. feelings are not statistics. feelings are vulnerable + ever changing. love is unique + imperfect. it is not comparable as much as we in this society try to make it. all the medium out there that portrays the 'ideal' act of love- just because love is portrayed in certain ways on the television, in a movie or book, or even in a melody to a song... those outlets of that view of love are there, but it doesn't mean those are the only ways to love or be loved. if someone is in a relationship they have a relationship that NO ONE else in this world has. why? well because you are the only YOU + same goes for the other person in that very relationship. no one else in this world can have that. meaning, how would you ever know if one of you loved the other more? you wouldn't. i mean...you could presume or convince yourself that you love your significant other more because they say 'i love you' less or they don't buy you a gift just because like you do. but isn't that what gets in the way of love in the first place? aren't we distracted by the ideal, perfect love BECAUSE of society? + doesn't that 'ideal love' cause our relationships to fight + struggle + hurt? yes it does. simple answer.

so to me the question is not really, does someone in a relationship love more than their significant other? the question is are you TRULY in love? + guess what? the only way to find that out is to live + love them. it is to grow with that person +  if nothing else learn from each other. people may look at me and think, 'gosh she has been in many relationships.' but who cares? i sure don't. love is an amazing thing. i do not regret a single thing in this world. + i do not care what others think. i only care that i am now certain; due to my past experiences, past loves, past mistakes, that i have found my true love. my penguin. my soul mate. it may have taken years of heartbreak. it may have taken thinking i was in love when i was not. + it may have taken me being in love + losing that to see that my current relationship is equal. it imperfect + real at the same time, + that kind of makes it perfect.

in conclusion; i find questioning whether you are in a relationship where the love is not equal to actually be your loves demise. love is about trusting. if you trust your love + your significant other...let time + life show you if you are equal. if you are meant to be. there is no real concrete way to tell if you are both loving equally. this isn't an equation or a class for one semester in school. this is life + you should be fair to yourself. love fully + everything else will fall into place.

it is something to think about. i love you all. thanks for reading + if you have a different thought process tell me! i'd love to hear them!

xoxo
perfectly imperfect
crystal caisse

nightly gratitude's.

so it has been some time since i have confessed my gratitude's to the universe. i find it necessary to reveal this vulnerable self. to discuss what + whom i am thankful for. it keeps a certain sense of humility + self awareness. it rejuvenates my mind. it makes life almost have more of a meaning. more of a purpose. but most importantly my entries for nightly gratitude's reminds me of what is important + why i am where i am. too often we, as humans, get caught up in the busy day to day tasks. too often we get lost in routine + we lose that spontaneous charisma. we forget, rather lose, that spark that makes life interesting.

since my last nightly gratitude entry a lot has changed in my life. a lot has happened, both good + challenging. i have grown from the twenty year old i was when i started this blog to the twenty five year old i am now.

thus ...

i am grateful for the timeline that creates a life.
i am grateful for the challenge of true love.
i am grateful for my best friend, jami schultz, a.k.a jami james.
i am grateful for second chances.
i am grateful for a forgiving heart.
i am grateful for risk taking.
i am grateful for a driven mind.
i am grateful for dreams having the ability to become reality with the right fight.
i am grateful for freedom.
i am grateful for my past experiences.
i am grateful for kindness, from myself to others + from others to myself.
i am grateful for who i have become in such a short amount of time.
i am grateful for the strength that i have inherited from both my parents + the tribulations of the past.
i am grateful for mistakes.
i am grateful for being lovestrong.
i am grateful for the lifestyle being a vegetarian has brought me.
i am grateful for the dangerous yet beautiful force of hope.
i am grateful for never being ordinary.
i am grateful for the laughing my soulmate brings to me.
i am grateful for my ability to never have given up on love in my twenty five years of life, because if i had given up i would of never met the person i would spend the rest of my life with.
i am grateful for him.
most importantly... i am grateful for the universe. the universe gives me the ability to 'want it all.' the universe has enabled me to dream. the universe has brought to me the good + the bad. the universe has made me who i am today. the universe has created each person, place, or thing to be it's own being. yet the universe leaves it up to us to live out how we want to be. who we want to be. where we want to be. i am grateful for the tools the universe has given me. with those tools i have become who i wanted to become + not what others have wanted or expected. tools such as; a camera to view this universe through my own lens. to create my own perspectives + viewpoints. tools like a keyboard to write my intense feelings + thoughts out in hope of inspiring someone elses universe. or the tool of conversation in which i am able to gain knowledge from others experiences + perspectives. these tools are just some of the many that the universe puts into my hand.


bottom line i am grateful for life + for those who support that life. what are you grateful for? remind yourself of that. i promise it'll create a new you.


much love
xoxo
perfectly imperfectly

crystal kimberly.

critical moments.

so after a month of unemployment i am sitting + reflecting. saying to myself...'what the hell am i doing?' i think, why am i unemployed when i paid 100,000 dollars for this  'pristine' education? this education that is forced into our minds as a must, as a part of 'the american dream.' why have i chosen to quit a job, be so picky with companies to work for, + engage in constant artsy activities? well... after thirty days of reflection + some frustration i can not help but always come back to the want + need for MORE out of life. cliche'? maybe. but hey, cliche's are part of this world for a reason. i looked at my resume + i have done every job i never wanted to. SEVEN years of a lack of passion. i worked solely on the need to pay my loans every month. those loans that i have BECAUSE of the idea of education being this great investment we all must endeavor into. well.. to be frank...if it was such a great investment why am i still living in a small town with a diminishing bank account when i had a 3.8 gpa throughout college? i mean is that measly piece of paper worth that kind investment?

we are told to receive an education from a college of our choice. we are then told to proceed in order to get that amazing job we have all dreamed of our entire lives: a firefighter, an astronaut, a doctor, a journalist, an athlete (hence a little sarcasm) . but what happens when you graduate? six months rolls by + you receive your first loan payment. now you must stop looking for your dream job, + jump into another position just to be able to afford your bills. or there is always the option to go BACK to college to stall from paying your loans... but really all you are doing there is racking up more bills for the future. now this may all sound bitter, but it is reality for more than 37 million americans.

naturally it may seem stupid then that i quit my job when i do have loans to pay. believe me, EVERYONE around me has made that clear. my parents, friends, family. they all ask '...so what are you going to do?!' or there were some that just shook their heads + laughed. however; the timing was essential. everyday being unhappy is not benefiting at all. it isn't good for family, friends, co workers, peers, etc. so i took what i had saved + the lovely money i got back from my taxes + i have been just LIVING. rather than indulging on a crazy vacation, i took a risk + just gave my notice. i have devoted all my free time to getting back in good mental state. i have cleansed my mind + my body. spent time with my family. devoted a lot to my relationship. + things are great. i am redefining who i am as a person + trying to get back on track. that way when i do find the position i would like to pursue i will be fully committed to making it a career. to make a life not just for myself but for my future family.

above is a word i have found that quintessentially defines this time in my life. it has helped me stay on track with my heart + to not give up on MY DREAM. a pessimistic person would look at my situation + say it is a misfortune. i, as a optimistic individual, view everything right now as an opportunity. it was a huge risk giving notice to a job when i had nothing lined up. (of course i have plan b's that i will not go near unless i absolutely have to.) but the best part about a risk is that is brings great reward if your handle it well.

weiji: this is my life right now. i am risking in order to enrich my life.

we must not get swept under ideals of american dreams + corporate structures. just because someone says you should not or could not do something, shouldn't define you + prevent you from being who you want to be. opinion + thoughts of others should not diminish your own opinion + thoughts of this world.  this world is just as much yours as it is everyone else's. it is YOUR decision on how you RISK + ENRICH your life. there is only so much time you can devote to yourself. eventually you will have your own family to support who has their own dreams you must start to support as well. NOW is the time to jump. to be risky + to fall if you have to. we have support systems to help us up when we fall or risk too much. don't be afraid to be blind in a situation. just do. sometimes thinking too much, or writing too many pro + con lists can prevent you from living an experience you would of never lived without jumping.

NOW is your critical moment. what you choose to do with it can impact the rest of your life. so have fun! be real. smile. + stop thinking!

perfectly imperfect
xoxo
crystal kimberly

i love you all.

lullabied love.

lullabied love.

the days felt longer, and the nights felt harder.
seasons changed and it all became a blur.

just when it got so good, it turned so bad.
worries grew and words were never spoken just written on a drawing pad.

question marks filled mason jars while heart beats overtook headphones.
love blew up into a million pieces flying away with the rest of our unknowns.

looking for a hearts shelter, a place to hide away in the night
there it was, in the corner of her sight.

a lullaby, a piece of that love left shattered to the ground
a piece of hope, a lullaby sung and finally found.

so quick, so soon, so lost, so simple.
thoughts ran, and goosebumps turned into a laughs dimple.

peace sat in the shape of a penguin, soulful and free
as one love left, another showed it's face to me.


perfectly imperfect
xoxo
crystal kimberly

nightly gratitudes.

i am grateful for peace.
i am grateful for lullabied love.
i am grateful for maturity + age.
i am grateful for my dreams.
+ i am grateful for my drive to make those dreams come true.
i am grateful for my family.
i am grateful for artistic thoughts.
i am grateful for second chances.
i am grateful for allowing myself to be a free spirit.
i am grateful for butterflies + goosebumps.
i am grateful for friends, lovers, + nothings.
i am grateful for strength.
i am grateful for a timeline to be displayed throughout my body.
i am grateful for originality.
+ lastly i am grateful for my senses. my ability to see, hear, feel, taste, + smell the world around me gives me the ability to live. it allows me to have the best life that there is.

i am grateful for life + for those who support that life.

have an amazing sleep social network world.

much love
xoxo
perfectly imperfectly

crystal kimberly.

our bodies are our stories.

you know when i look at my body the first thing i see is not skin. it is not the imperfect bloat to my stomach. it is not the pimple on my nose or the pink in my hair created from a boredom i could not overcome. the first thing i see is a clean slate. the first thing i see is a story. i see 365 pages waiting to be written on + read. i see an infinite amount of possibilities. i see opportunities. i see mistakes. i see triumphs. i see good. i see bad. i see happiness. i see sadness. i see souls in many forms. i see the soul of myself. i see the soul of others. i see experiences. i see memories. i see war + love. i see tears. i see smiles. i see lyrics + melodies. i see imperfections. i see stories. i see periods at the end of good sentences + i see run-ons for the never ending stories. i see band aids. i see bruises + scars. i see trophies + success. i see honest lies. i see lieing truths. i see suitcases. i see locked doors. i see clocks. i see love. i see hate. i see winning. i see losing. i see footprints + fingerprints. i see thoughts. i see the 'too lates'+ i see the 'just in times.' i see best friends. i see enemies. i see bitter + sweet. i see obstacles. i see peace. i see naked feelings. i see dreams. i see serene chaos. i see walls. i see blackouts. i see risks. i see comfort. i see walking away. i see staying. i see spontaneity creeping up. i see choices. i see stubbornness. i see humbled moments.

but mostly, i see a timeline. i see a canvas. i see a canvas where if you are having a bad day you can look + remember back to a good day. you can look + see a time in your life where you were a certain emotion. where you were a certain being. where you were a certain you. i see the ability to have the world at your finger tips. where not only can you look back at a certain instance in time but you can endeavor into another. i see blank pages where future moments can be scribed for a reader to read. i see the ability to cherish a moment you never want to forget. that's what life is right? it's all experience. it is all in the moments that only happen once in life. the moments that happen once but trigger a ripple affect + cause the rest of the moments that occur in your life. we, as people, pick up tangible books + utilize them to expand out mind + gain knowledge. well why aren't we using our intangibles? why aren't we using each other to do the same. if anything we all have much more of a story to tell than a book. i mean a book can at most have a couple lessons to teach while us humans have a million. we are all unique + we all have our own significant timeline that we call life. some choose to hide their timeline but i choose to reveal mine. i choose to utilize my body as art. i choose to look in the mirror + wear my heart on my sleeve, literally. i choose to never hide who i am. i choose to allow the souls around me to engage in my life just as much as i have. i choose to let other souls embark on putting their handwriting on my soul. i choose to allow other souls to leave a part of them on me every time they look at me. i choose to let other souls write on me, tangibly + intangibly. emotionally + physically.

there has been such an uproar in our society. one in which i choose to negate in my mind. one in regards to this idea of tattoos. an uproar that negatively points out that they are permanent + that it is 'dumb' to forever get something engraved into your skin. to me this is naive. to me that is hypocritical for someone not only to say but think. how can someone believe it is a bad decision to utilize their body as an art form? how can someone be so naive as to think tattoos are a negative addition to your life? that is like saying anything you post on the internet is dumb + pointless-because if you have all forgotten, once you put anything on the world wide web it is permanently there in the space of dot coms and htmls. people lose jobs because of moments in their lives when they put a picture or sentence up somewhere in the internet world. well ... now society turns our freedom of free speech + our freedom to express ourselves the way we want into a cynical act. society from generations before us are used to a norm + they can not seem to open their eyes external of that 'norm.' they can not seem to see our 'norm' now is not actually normal at all. our 'norm' now is to actually not be part of the 'norm' at all. our 'norm' now is to not only be the story but it is to be the page the story is written on. our 'norm' now is to be the ink + the page. our norm now is to be unique + different. i mean who are we, as beings, to negate our freedoms by subduing to stereotypes that were conceptualized in past generations. who are we to take ten steps back from all that we have worked for to get to the free nation we are now.

our bodies are our stories. our bodies are our templates. our bodies are our vote. they are our change + our choice. who wants a job that won't hire them because they view life a different way. who wants friends who measure them on the amount of stories they have written on their body as opposed to the amount of knowledge they have in their head. haven't we learned since we were children to never judge a book by it's cover. well hell, this is THAT cliche staring us in the face.

each person is their own story + how they choose to portray that is their freedom. each person has a timeline to show. i find the most vulnerable + amazing form of art is that of which we choose to reveal to the world on our skin. if a moment is so important to you that you would tattoo it onto your body then hell yea- get it . that moment is one for the blank page of life. that moment is going to turn into your life's story. that moment is going to be shared with your family, friends, children, peers, and even strangers. that moment is you. that moment is your story. your life lessons. your inspiration. your addition to this world. be proud of wearing your heart on your sleeve. be proud of being who you are and be proud of being an american where this is all an option. life is about the good + bad.

one of the best things i have ever heard was said by jason mraz not too long ago. he said, 'remember tattoos are temporary just like the life that has been given to us.' it is so true right? life is temporary so therefore tattoos are temporary-not permanent. take life as a chance to be your own artist. take life as the opportunity to make a difference + publish your own book. take life as the opportunity to help those to come after you, with life lessons you have learned through the beauty of your skin.

let life write on you, because soon you will forget moments of your life that once were significant. let life write on you, because when you look back you will be able to say, 'damn that was a hard time in my life but it made me who i am.'

we are who we are because of the choices we make. + every choice you make is a good one even if it does not seem like it initially.

i choose to let life write on me + i am damn proud of it. i am damn proud to be an artist. i am damn proud to be a walking story. if you want to judge my book by its cover that is your loss. i choose to tell my story in the process of learning other's stories. i capture my moments + engage in others. i indulge in the ink + i read each page.

you only get 365 days a year to tell a story. what are you doing to remember those days?

a lot to conceptualize isn't it? really think about it + think about if you are writing your life's story the way you want to. if you are not-do something about it, because ultimately everyday we are faced with adversity + the best way to deal with that is not to look in the other direction + pretend it is not there. it is to open your arms to it + really accept it. be it. live it.

whelp that is all for now.

much love,

xoxo
perfectly imperfect
crystal kimberly

turn on your off switch.

sometimes it takes that one last encounter to click something off in your heart and mind. + sometimes that last off click changes your mindset completely + makes you realize exactly what you want + exactly what to do to have it. sometimes that last off click happens to be the best reality click + heart throbbing realization that you ironically needed. sometimes someones happiness means anothers heartache. + sometimes someones heartache means the potential for their own happiness one day.  intangible off switches arent always bad because they result in a lifetime of well functioning on switches. they result in a lifetime of happiness and 'yes' mentality. they result in lovestrong. lovestrong is you. lovestrong is me. lovestrong is us.

much love
xoxo
perfectly imperfect

crystal kimberly

loving stronger.

things are different this time around.

no more mistakes. no more pain. no more tears. no more hatred. no more questions. no more hesitations. i am giving my all to him. i am giving my all to myself. i am giving my all because i am lovestrong.

xoxo
perfectly imperfect
crystal kimberly.


things are different, and i want it that way. things are different + the outcome will be different. i won't get in my own way or his. i wont get in the way of love or my heart. my heart deserves to smile. i deserve to smile. he deserves to smile. we deserve strong love. we are loving stronger.

never be the 'i told you so.'

bloggers- we must stop meeting like this. every couple months i find time to actually sit down and divulge my deepest, darkest secrets into the universe of cyber space. tonight i thought it'd be a perfect time to post a blog with updates. a blog as honest as ever. a blog full of real emotion and truth. a blog that may shock or bother some. a blog that i could care less what anyone thought or judged upon.

i have come to realize that life is absolutely unpredictable. it is a puzzle that never has the same pieces. it is THAT puzzle that you try to smoosh pieces together, yet they never seem to fit. then as soon as you find a piece that has potential, life takes that piece and destroys it just to throw you another.

over the past couple months (plus some) i have battled some hard fights, both internally and externally. both with others but mostly with myself. both tangible fights with people and intangible with memories and thoughts. hiccups of promises never delivered, or never being fully caught when i fell. and throughout this all the one thing i realized was that the pain of walking away has been a serious 'i told you so.'

whispered lies of attempting to hurt someone, all the times of being doubted or being made worse than i was. the pressure of being someone that i was not, or dealing with the realization that i would never be what i needed to be if i continued to subdue myself in its current predicament. these are all things i have pondered and battled.

i know a lot of people may be reading this whom only saw ONE side of things, or those who may THINK they saw both but they really didn't. there is a minuscule amount of people who actually KNOW me for me, and who don't need to conceptualize a 'crystal' because they have seen the authentic crystal, not some presupposed, fictional person in a small town of wandering minds. i'm tired of looking in the mirror and telling myself 'i told you so.' i am tired of feeling shackled up in life. i am tired of not being free.

free of pain. free of guilt. free of hurt. free of weakness. free of judgement. free of pressure. free of a lack of individualism. just free of all negative energy. I've sat and thought a lot about what life is and how i can always better it, because that's what we all want right? to always improve, and get better, and be better, and do better things? that is what life has transformed us into. that is natural human intuition- to be better than your are now. well sometimes to be better we must take risks. we must attempt at putting everything we know aside and do something different because the outcome may be way more beneficial than the alternative.

love what you've hated, and hate what you've loved. smile when you should be sad, and be sad when you think you should be happy. blend when you stand out, and stand out when others think you should blend. sing because you can't, and be mute because you can. fight when others are defeated, and give up when others say fight. be okay because you want to, and don't be okay because others want you to be. write what you feel, and feel what you write. walk where you want to walk, and crawl where you don't.

stop preparing for tomorrow because today is the live event. this is a new found message i re-install into my brain everyday. it is natural for people to plan and plan and plan for the future, but what happens when you get to that future? you keep planning for the future from that point on. does that seem right? no, it seems silly because soon you will realize you kept planning and all that time is gone. in the blink of an eye. you'll be 99 dreaming and counting the ways you can rewind and just live.

this applies to all things. careers, money, love, friendships, family.

i'd say my most significant and recent example would be with love. a love that began masqueraded in friendship lockers at a middle school, and altered into the craziest roller coaster of amazing, detrimental love. it consisted of silly accents and laughing at each other when we fell down stairs. it consisted of natural humor and a bond that no one in this world had. it consisted of funny faces and singing songs the way we THOUGHT they should sound, and not how they did sound, because we thought it was better that way. it consisted of mocking each other for hours and every thursday getting drinks at bars we hated and we knew hated us. it consisted of many attempts of hating each other but failing miserably. it consisted of many attempts at having a serious conversation yet we all know it turned into shits and giggles, because we just couldn't fight for more than a minute without someone making the other laugh.(regardless of the ridiculousness of the comment) this love consisted of a morph between love and hate. friends and enemies. peace and war. strength and weakness. we saw each other at our worst. we saw each other at our best. we lied. we cried. we fought. we gave up. we fought again. we gave up again. we argued. we doubted one another. we ran away. we ran towards each other. we were constantly reminded of each other from things as simple as a song on the radio or a firefly in the sky. we always said its best to move on and then we'd fight to be friends and fail. we could never truly be one due to maturity. there was always a lack of mature ways in our love. we both didn't want to grow up which inevitably destroyed the bond we once had. the love we created was our kind of love. it was a love no one else in the world would understand even if they tried. (and many did try) the what ifs ate us alive, and i finally gave up 100%. i commend us both on our loves journey it humbled me, it made me who i am completely, the good and the bad. i know who i am and i know who i am not. i know who i can be and i know who i can not be. i know i was at fault for A LOT but i also know he was too. we both tried to fix the other, to change ourselves, but really....it just didn't work. that's life.

my point is we were both always planning on how to fix us. we were both planning on a future. we were both planning on the following day and we weren't doing. we were trying..yes...but we weren't doing. planning too much led to our demise. planning too much for what if this changed maybe in the future we could be this. or say this. or feel this.

was it hard to let go? hell yea it was. it was the hardest thing i have ever done. but i really, truly feel like we both put every ounce we had into each other and it was time to be selfish and risk everything for a new beginning. it was time to live in that moment and relieve all pressure off my shoulders. all expectations gone. was it fair? no. but to neither of us.

his voice is like a ghost inside my head, but i think in a good way. he believed in me, regardless of all hurtful things he said. i know he was my biggest fan for over five years and i know in my heart how much he loves me. i know he will find someone who will be what he needs. i just am no longer that girl. i can not be what he needs, i can only be what i need to be. and that is happy.

i have a fresh start at something good. i have a fresh start at a new chapter in my book/life. i forgive but i will never forget, and that is what life is about. we want to treasure our memories and keep creating more. let go of the grips people and things have on you in life. don't be an ash of someone's past. be the spark to another's future. make yourself proud and most importantly don't let someone else tell you that you are a let down. don't look in the mirror and say 'i told you so'. look in a mirror and say i am proud of who i am. i am proud of where i am going. i am proud to be a spontaneous, free spirit who is working towards continuous happiness. because lets face it, happiness is the ultimate being and if you maintain happiness you radiate it, and the world is just a better place and a better memory.

life isn't about finger pointing in the opposite direction, it's about ownership. it's about realizing if things are not okay with you and how to better yourself in order to make another happy. i personally for a long time was not okay with myself because of the relationship i was in. certain actions and circumstances caused me for years to question myself, which in turn effected the relationship even more, and decreased our chance for success. i reached a certain point where i couldn't admit i wasn't okay and i was doing wrong. so i put on a pretty face and tried to fight through things that just felt wrong. i wasn't honest with myself which caused me to be dishonest to another. it's hard to take ownership but guess what...it is necessary. i realized that and i really hope he did too. i don't want him to look in the mirror either and say 'i told you so.' because that's shitty. yea, i said shitty.
if i sat here and said i was completely happy id be lieing to you. fuck- id be an idiot to do so, but i am on my yellow brick road of life. i am becoming free, and i am indulging and risking everything to be who I NEED TO BE, not what someone else needs me to be. and i am okay with that because i know it feels right. i know that im sad we are no longer in each others presence because life is short and i love him more than anything but certain things were just not right for either of us and it was time to let go of a hopeful future and live in a positive present.

i am on a road to loving myself and maybe one day i can love another the way they deserve to be loved. maybe one day another can love me the way i deserve to be loved.

i am not an 'i told you so.' and nor should you. so do something about it.....


xoxo
perfectly imperfect
crystal kimberly

serious saturday.

man-serious saturday. i don't know if i or you are ready for this blog. but is it needed? i think so. on both ends too. i think i need to write out my feelings and i think many need to read them. the whole reason i jumped into writing was to help others + to really be able to vent to others in a non traditional way.

well these past couple years, months, days have been crazy. really they have been monumental to my future. they have shaped me not only as a person but they have transformed my ideals and my habits. they have destroyed me while picking me up. they have altered my way of thinking and forced tranquility when maybe some wouldn't be at peace. i have seen the best and the worst. i have been extremely happy and i have been extremely depressed. i have my 'days'-as does everyone. but those are the days that make me appreciate the good days. those are the days where i look back and am grateful for what i have surrounding me whether that is family, friends, a roof and clothes, or even the talents i have recently started acknowledging that i have. i truly believe to be happy we have to first be unhappy. to be successful we first must fail. to be in love we must first be heartbroken. they all are juxtapositions, yes. however they coincide with each other to form this perfectly imperfect world that just bounces off each other. these bumpy roads are here for a reason. they are here so someone can be sent to us to smooth them out. a fire can only burn bright for so long before someone must aid it to make it brighter than it ever was before. many people may try to let out the fire, and pour water on it until it drowns. however; the strongest fires are the ones that have that tiny spark left in which ignites a twig, thus starting a new fire of life. crazy to think about right? its simple. we fall so we can stand. we cry so we can smile. and we hurt so we can heal.

everyone in this world is not an angel. there are many vultures and the key is to remember this. the key is to surround yourselves with an army of good people. we must always remember who we are and really never give up on our futures. don't be your own biggest anchor dragging you under all the expectations and norms of the world. i am doing what i need to right now to get to where i want to be. there is no shame in that. for the first time i am thinking about ME. i am on a bumpy road to happiness and i cant wait to get to my next intersection. i can't wait to have a crazy roller coaster life where i write about the bad and live the good. i cant wait to look back at what i have done and dream about what i want to do. life is incredible ---all of the time. EVEN when it is bad it is good. really think about that.

comment YOUR thoughts i would love love love to hear them:)

thanks for reading.

xoxo
perfectly imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

new life. new ways. new words.

so i decided in order to devote myself to this blog i am going to do one entry everyday. short or long. happy or sad. the only different thing is i am going to make a theme for everyday. it will go as follows:
monday motivations.
tuesday ticks.
wednesday words.
thursday thoughts.
friday fears.
serious saturdays.
spontaneous sundays.

let me know what you think....+ if there are any other themes you would like to read about. i promise your eyes will glow with the words i bring you everyday.
this is my passion and it is time to really indulge into it.


xoxo
perfectly imperfect
crystal kimberly

<3 p dot s i will be posting later today my serious saturday post!

the game of repair.

too young to love, or is the love just too young?
is he really there, or is he caught in the lyrics being sung?

too much, or too little, or is it just not enough?
is a smooth path worth that trip through the unexpected rough?

simplicity in the eyes since the moment we met.
peaceful bliss in his arms of pasts soon to be wept.

his heart of life lost in hopeful forevers
while mine swings on life's tire of deep, deep endeavors.

sitting in a corner, speaking his soul out
bouncing back and forth between sureness and doubt

lost in friends, lovers, or nothings.
fearful of those dreadful unhappy endings.

temptation of comfort, the dreams of keeping the good alive
temptation to surrender, true love is where we thrive

there can only be one, one word we share.
are we friends, lovers, or nothing each lost in the game of repair.

how to describe what once was the world to you
separated east and west between unsure and a new point of view

attempting to meet in the middle of dark black and white
but lost in the shades of gray, the ones that are just not right

sometimes we get lost in corners while attempting to find the door
Searching and searching, unable to find any more.

While love sits and stares into his eyes
Comfort invades him, unfortunently leading to a hearts demise.

Do we surrender to the lust of a potential
or do we undertake a feeling that seems quite essential?

Fight for the 'it was always you' and let go of the yesterday
Sometimes the memories are better left to purely fade away.

Soon your mind and heart will heal, no longer able remember...
The delicate memories of a past year's December


xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

Never too Young

Who ever said there was a time constraint on dreams? Who ever said that we had to wait until we were a certain age to start living? I believe the best time to dream is when we have an open mind. When we are fresh to the world and are still exploring what we truly love. There are times when we reach a certain age where we start to accept the idea of reality and therefore we begin subduing into the 'norms.' Yet if you really think about it, aren't we just accepting the perception of what a reality is or what it should be? And what is a 'norm' anyway? Personally I believe when a certain age is reached we just let go of our dreams and stop working hard for them, because we want an excuse to fail. Why? Because that is what is expected of us. Really that is how a 'norm' becomes a 'norm', isn't it? People begin letting go of who they are and becoming what everyone else is. The fear of not fitting in and the fear of failure overtake us in many ways. However; I have been significantly enlightened over the past couple months.

Young talent. That is something that is taken for granted too often. I have had the privilege of meeting a young gentleman who is a firecracker of passion. He actually reminds me much of myself. Every moment of everyday coming up with a new lyric, or spitting some new rhymes. Everyday thinking of something else he would like to pursue whether that is rapping, acting, or losing himself in the music realm forever. Not only is he full of a passion most lack, but he is a hardworking individual just looking to live life to the fullest. At a mere nineteen years of life he has developed a talent you don't just see in just anyone. He raps his heart out everyday inspired by the REAL things in HIS life. He doesn't waste his time throwing out words of hatred towards things in life, rather he dabbles about the true ups and downs he has endeavored through thus far. And at NINETEEN! If he's already harmonizing the world of music with such passion at this young age who knows what he is capable of in the years to come.

This gentleman's name is Frank Emmi, also known as Prince. I'd describe his persona ,in music, as someone who is looking to make his own stance in the music business. He would much rather be real and upfront as opposed to being someone he is not or even trying to compare to other people already developed in the business. Fresh, young talent. That is what Frank brings to the table and he is willing to put his life in a gamble in order to pursue his passion. His love. His life.

Check out his YouTube channel to hear more from him at http://www.youtube.com/user/fje1123?blend=1&ob=video-mustangbase . Comment and let him know what you think. Also keep an eye out for him on twitter. His name is @SnapCittyboii - Mix tapes and music videos to come soon!:-)


Remember you are never too young to dream. You are never too young to live. And you are never too young to be yourself.!. Don't fall to the perceptions of reality. Do you and who cares what anyone thinks. You can't be successful if you don't try and if you do try and fail... Who cares! Would success really be worth it if you didn't have to fight for it? No. At least I do not believe it would. Think about it.

Much Love,

Xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

time.

'life is too short to even care at all. I'm losing my mind, my mind, my mind. I'm losing control.' -young the giant.

what is time anyway? is it the days on a calendar and the minutes on a clock? or is time merely something this world has created to make life past by? the past couple months i seem to have lost myself in work - more so than i ever have before. sadly, i work twelve, thirteen, fourteen hour days...and for what? to earn a paycheck...to ultimately break even paying bills? what is the typical response to this statement? well it's 'that's life.' well...is it? or is that what we make life? shouldn't life be more than that? shouldn't life be something we love in and out, upside down and right side up? shouldn't we look forward to the weekdays as much as we do the weekends? shouldn't we enjoy exploring into the seasons while enjoying the one we are currently in? it's hard to reflect on these thoughts when you are always running around doing this and trying to do that...but i have been slapped with reality in the past month and it's made me realize why I've always been a dreamer.

when i was a dreamer ...my dreams came true.

when i settled to being a realist...i fell victim to the accepted 'norm' we call life. i settled to what the typical life is....routine and boring.

not even eight months ago i was driving across the country, working on music videos, being spontaneous, seeing the world in a completely different mindset. I've allowed myself to get caught in the life i never wanted. and guess what...today i slapped myself in the face and woke up. i reminded myself that time isn't something to speed up. time is something we should want to slow down and spend doing things we WANT to do and NEED to do to be ....well happy to say the least.

i refuse to allow tomorrow to be another X on the calendar. i refuse to trade my time for X's. for days lost. before i knew it I looked into the mirror and i've become a twenty three year old. i need to snap out of comfort and typical endeavors in order to really live. i actually am so beyond excited to do so. i love my life and the people in it. i love that everyday i meet someone new. in fact- the other day at work i had an hour long conversation with an individual who works for the United States government. this individual dedicates his life to being the liaison between countries in eastern Africa and the USA fighting for funds to help those with diseases. those that have no ability to help themselves due to the lack of money in their non existent pockets. i learned so much from him and we shared many similarities and passions. he is one of many that i have met who have traveled and seen this world in a different light and it makes me driven to do the same.

it's not enough to want something...you need to fight for it. fighting leads to ability and potential which leads to a chance of doing, which ultimately is living.

everyday i undress new words. everyday i love and i lust. everyday i dream and settle. everyday i ponder and do. everyday i look for ways to improve and everyday i smile. i smile because; i know who i am, what i have done, what i want to do, and what i can do to get to where i want to be. i want to change lives. i do not want to just exist in the mold of things. i want to be the 'exception.' i want to take every second on a clock and do something with that second that will make a difference. cliche and corny? maybe. but that's me:-). take it or leave it. crystal's back yah'll. i can't wait to begin writing on this every week again and sharing a deeper insight into my life and others!

how i have missed you all!! :-)
Much love<3

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

beautiful.

its a beautiful night + a beautiful life.
the look in your eyes + the look in mine.
we are all breakable + we are all extremely strong.
we are all lovely + we are all ugly.
we all fight + we all give up.
we all see half empty glasses but fill them right away.
we all want greener grasses but we all subdue to the empty bottles.
everyone wants to be who they are + everyone falls for who they aren't.
everyone wants to stand out from the crowd + everyone wants to hide behind the shadows of others.
we all try to get what we want + we all fail to get what we need.
we've all been too in love to let it go but we've all been too buried in pain to ever hold on.
we've all been melted by his smile + we've all cried from his words.
we all hate to show emotion but we all sing our feelings from wall to wall.
today is the day we live in, yet tomorrow is the day we strive for.
we all see that special someone like no one else ever will + we all wish we could be the one to show them the view from our eyes.
everyone walks in intending to be ten minutes early + everyone walks in fifteen minutes too late.
the little things intrigue us all but the little things are the secrets we never tell a soul.
we all sing our hearts out behind the wheel of our cars but we all remain silent in front of the judgement of others.
we laugh at what happened when we were young + we all bite our lips from the potential of what will happen when we are older.
there are moments when we surrender to being a good person + their are moments where we drown in bad intentions we hardly admit.
sometimes there is regret swimming in our thoughts but sometimes there is a mannequin of distress that's been all picked up.
many questions reign in our minds....many questions remain unanswered

but my question is- are you the person you envision yourself being?
do you pursue the lovely?
or are you cutting yourself short +
falling to the ugly?

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly