so after a month of unemployment i am sitting + reflecting. saying to myself...'what the hell am i doing?' i think, why am i unemployed when i paid 100,000 dollars for this 'pristine' education? this education that is forced into our minds as a must, as a part of 'the american dream.' why have i chosen to quit a job, be so picky with companies to work for, + engage in constant artsy activities? well... after thirty days of reflection + some frustration i can not help but always come back to the want + need for MORE out of life. cliche'? maybe. but hey, cliche's are part of this world for a reason. i looked at my resume + i have done every job i never wanted to. SEVEN years of a lack of passion. i worked solely on the need to pay my loans every month. those loans that i have BECAUSE of the idea of education being this great investment we all must endeavor into. well.. to be frank...if it was such a great investment why am i still living in a small town with a diminishing bank account when i had a 3.8 gpa throughout college? i mean is that measly piece of paper worth that kind investment?
we are told to receive an education from a college of our choice. we are then told to proceed in order to get that amazing job we have all dreamed of our entire lives: a firefighter, an astronaut, a doctor, a journalist, an athlete (hence a little sarcasm) . but what happens when you graduate? six months rolls by + you receive your first loan payment. now you must stop looking for your dream job, + jump into another position just to be able to afford your bills. or there is always the option to go BACK to college to stall from paying your loans... but really all you are doing there is racking up more bills for the future. now this may all sound bitter, but it is reality for more than 37 million americans.
naturally it may seem stupid then that i quit my job when i do have loans to pay. believe me, EVERYONE around me has made that clear. my parents, friends, family. they all ask '...so what are you going to do?!' or there were some that just shook their heads + laughed. however; the timing was essential. everyday being unhappy is not benefiting at all. it isn't good for family, friends, co workers, peers, etc. so i took what i had saved + the lovely money i got back from my taxes + i have been just LIVING. rather than indulging on a crazy vacation, i took a risk + just gave my notice. i have devoted all my free time to getting back in good mental state. i have cleansed my mind + my body. spent time with my family. devoted a lot to my relationship. + things are great. i am redefining who i am as a person + trying to get back on track. that way when i do find the position i would like to pursue i will be fully committed to making it a career. to make a life not just for myself but for my future family.
above is a word i have found that quintessentially defines this time in my life. it has helped me stay on track with my heart + to not give up on MY DREAM. a pessimistic person would look at my situation + say it is a misfortune. i, as a optimistic individual, view everything right now as an opportunity. it was a huge risk giving notice to a job when i had nothing lined up. (of course i have plan b's that i will not go near unless i absolutely have to.) but the best part about a risk is that is brings great reward if your handle it well.
weiji: this is my life right now. i am risking in order to enrich my life.
we must not get swept under ideals of american dreams + corporate structures. just because someone says you should not or could not do something, shouldn't define you + prevent you from being who you want to be. opinion + thoughts of others should not diminish your own opinion + thoughts of this world. this world is just as much yours as it is everyone else's. it is YOUR decision on how you RISK + ENRICH your life. there is only so much time you can devote to yourself. eventually you will have your own family to support who has their own dreams you must start to support as well. NOW is the time to jump. to be risky + to fall if you have to. we have support systems to help us up when we fall or risk too much. don't be afraid to be blind in a situation. just do. sometimes thinking too much, or writing too many pro + con lists can prevent you from living an experience you would of never lived without jumping.
NOW is your critical moment. what you choose to do with it can impact the rest of your life. so have fun! be real. smile. + stop thinking!
perfectly imperfect
xoxo
crystal kimberly
i love you all.
No comments:
Post a Comment