“Thinking is the greatest torture in the world for most people.”

Thinking- an act of desire or need? Do we think because we want to or because we have to? Is it our choice to think or is it forced upon us? If you think about it ...actually we think 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. It is quite a crazy concept to comprehend. For instance; we wake up with thoughts of what we have to do for the day, we go on about our day with what we want to do now, then tomorrow, etc. Then we go to sleep thinking, and even when asleep we conceptualize dreams about what we were thinking about that entire day consciously or subconsciously. So is it a choice? Can you physically and mentally prevent yourself from thinking. I do not think so, because if you think about it...the act of attempting to get yourself to not think-you are actually thinking about not thinking and you are telling yourself to not think. Which in fact is thinking. Yea...it is like a circle of conceptualizations everyone can attempt to make. . .Think about it..........


Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

Paradise through my eyes...

So recently I had the most amazing trip to Hawaii. Crazy...right?! Who would of ever thought my lifetime would have promised me a trip to such a beautiful place. It made me calm yet excited, peaceful yet intrigued, lucky yet worthy. Aside from the hours on a plane- my entire being has never felt so blessed. A graduation gift turned into one of the most unreal experiences of my life.

When I got off the fifteen hours of flight to get there, every stereotype of the eight islands came to life. Blue/clear waters, palm trees, sea life everywhere, fresh fruit, gorgeous weather, surfer 'dudes'/gals everywhere, the best hospitality, and any other thing you can think of. And the best part of being on that side of the country was that we didn't keep track of the time or what day it was. It was just us and paradise. The sun was either up or down. We did not care. Imagine that-a life we now live where we are occupied with routine and know exactly what day and time it is to the minute. Our lives are run by appointments, technology, and always having a place to be. In Hawaii it is far from that. They actually frown upon the use of technology-not that you would ever want to drown in technology being there. My vision when I woke up every morning was sand going miles, blue waters, and smiling faces. I mean really how could you be anything but happy in paradise right? That is something I needed. Going from the hardest semester of my college career, personally and educationally, to graduating, to attempting to find a job. This was an incredible break and trip.

Our first stop was Maui for five days, and I will say it was the most breath taking place I have and probably ever will lay eyes on. Then we went to Oahu for five days as well. While Maui had more of the Hawaiian flare, Oahu was definitely more of a commercialized island- like a mini New York City.. While I am writing this blog not to bore you with too many details, but I'd like to share some of the incredible things that occupied my ten day trip across the country. First and foremost, at both of our hotels we were blessed with such amazing hospitality. It was as if we were part of their families from the second we got out of the car, literally. Hula shows every night, Tiki bars, pools, ofcourse beach everyday, and during the day: Ukelele lessons, lei making, hawaiin language lessons, surfing lessons, and an oober amount of other fun activities. Whatever you want to do they offer on a daily basis. We also went to things such as: a Luau, a sunrise tour on top of volcano Haleakala (which was the most incredible thing I have ever done), boat rides, and lots of shopping.

Throughout the entire trip the most incredible thing, although freezing and exhausting, was being over 10,000 feet above sea level on the most active volcano in the United States. We went on a sunrise tour which left at 2 am in order to make it to and up the volcano (which occupies 85 percent of Maui by the way) by sunrise. We were so far above the clouds in a mere 30 degree weather watching the sunrise. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Then we took the bus even higher to the summit, went for little hikes, barely being able to breathe because of the height above sea level, looked at craters and all that consumed Maui and the other islands. I have never felt so small. Yes... I may only be 5 foot 1 haha... but on this mountain I felt like an ant. This world is so enormous and beautiful and we as humans in a modern world unfortunently do not take the time to appreciate the beauty in each look we get. Throughout my entire trip I have never been so grateful and intrigued.

Bottom line if any of you have a chance to ever go I highly recommend it. No doubt in my mind what so ever. I posted those pictures above to give you a tiny taste of what my eyes saw for two weeks, but realistically pictures could not capture the simplistic beauty. So next time you get to go somewhere or even you walk out your front door, look at the little things all around you. Take those things for what they are and savor each of those moments. I hope we all can start to realize how lucky we are to live in the world we live in, and possibly we can all stop taking things for granted. Until next time, much love:)

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

Insomnia

For some reason this summer I can not go to bed before 5 am. It is quite obnoxious yet intriguing at the same time. This is what came into my mind at 4 am today...

As lovers go and haters arrive
A fork in the road, one hard to survive-
Do you follow your heart, wounds dressed and hid away?
Or do you feel the pain and live in such disarray?
Do we have time to follow our hearts
While our mouths are pleading for a brand new start-
Are we craving the strength to fight and rise above all?
Or are we avoiding the strength to finally let go and forever fall?
We try to bend and never break
But it always leads to an unforgettable mistake-
Are we as thick as thieves or do we lack the might?
Standing with shaken' knees full of incredible fright-
We all look for an easy out before we even step in
A way to survive, a strength severely lacked from within-
Is a cry loud enough for those to hear your fear?
Or is the silence of the night all they need to simply hear?
The question of fixing is always on the mind
And the answer which is left, always undefined-
A heart beats while a mind runs astray
A mind thinks as many feet attempt running away-
Hands shake while eyes pretend to be okay
And a soul cries as a love slowly fades away-
While painful separations are shown in some hearts
Simple contemplations are lost in relationships falling apart-
With time comes pain- not a broken cure
There is always the miss of what you once were-
While a heart can be delicate with many complexities
A person can be just as weak with insecure infidelities-
Infidelities of the mind causing walls to subdue
Infidelities of the heart causing pain to show through-
Answers for questions that have never been contemplated
Questions with no answers forever to be debated-
Dotted lines may approach an end but they may have just got started
For a choice you must endeavor to make, one in which could be outsmarted-
A humans heart is one in which we treasure
Locking it away by infinite, defensive measure-
As long as the key is not too tightly locked
A decision can be made, one to beat the time already clocked...

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

Inspire those who inspire you...

Hey guys I just wanted to share this with you, well to those of you whom read my blog... It is from about three months ago but it still really gets to me.

http://symphonysoldier.com/post/435411430/speechless#disqus_thread

http://www.friendsorenemies.com/profiles/blogs/from-alex-deleons-blog-9

You never know who your words can affect. In this case my buddy Alexander Deleon, from a band called The Cab, was inspired by the words I was inspired to write. Crazy right? Your words can greatly impact many lives regardless of who they are. Don't be afraid to speak your mind and write your thoughts. Read peoples comments on both sites...it took my breathe away. I remember the day he posted this I got so many Twitter replies and Facebook messages thanking me. And for what? I thank all those who take the time to read what I write. It is such a significant part of my life and based on the comments-everyone has haters and lovers. However, you should trust in the lovers...they are the ones who truly see your abilities and commend you on your talent. The haters simply have nothing better to do than ridicule in hopes of finding their own talent or lack thereof.

Thank you to all who support me and my crazy wants and endeavors. You mean the world to me<3

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

Secure Diversions

We want to love in order to feel secure
While we want to feel secure in the act of being loved
These feelings lost amongst those whom are immature
Emotions lost in their minds, forever hidden or shoved
The mature remembering to breathe as love overtakes their lungs
Memories consisting of more love than hurt
More than simplistic movements of the human tounge
Words utilized in order to purely take minds and divert
Divert the passion in each heart beat
Divert the action enabled by a beating heart
Diversion of the soul to feel incomplete
Diversion of each thought to simply fall apart-

...What now?

So... as many of you may know, graduation from Siena College has been my most recent endeavor. Four long years in college have finally come to an end. It is quite eye opening and crazy to be honest. Going from attending Iona College for two years, transferring home to Siena College, and finally earning my degree in Marketing Management is an unreal feeling. I mean eight years ago I was a freshman in high school where my only worry was how fast I could run a 600m or 5K. Four years ago I was a freshmen in college where my life was centered around getting an A on my business law exams, and currently I've reached what everyone calls 'the real world' where my biggest worries; like how to pay the bills and be happy at the same time, are the worries that will begin to effect the rest of my life. It is crazy to think that a decision I make today could effect how the rest of my life plays out. Now aside from putting pressure on all of it, for the first time in my life I can finally stop planning and start doing. For years there have been so many thoughts, dreams, hopes, worries, and contemplations in my head. Time has always been the issue though. I would start to write and oops I have a test, or I'd be designing and 'UT Oh' that 25 page paper is due tomorrow. However, now that I have the time to devote to all these things, I can finally start putting my puzzle piece of a life together.

Now those who read this blog, most know me but some of you may not. For those who know me... you know my minds enriched with oober amounts of ideas and endeavors in which I want to partake in. For those of you who don't know me...those endeavors can sometimes be overwhelming because I tend to have a huge list in which grows with each day. Keep in mind that I DO plan on checking off every single item on that list one by one. I thought it would be fit that for my first blog in months to describe what I plan on doing now that college is over.

The main question I have been asked over and over again is '...What now?' Grad school? A job?...Traveling..? Well to be honest... at first I had no want in this world to go to graduate school. I find it more appealing and worthwhile to learn in the field. Yet this last semester of senior year I learned more than I could have ever imagined and I loved it. I realize so much about myself in the past year and I hope to return to school and go to graduate school next year or in the spring in order to keep growing my knowledge of everything and anything. But what am I doing until then you ask? Well I wish I could say I have a job, but currently I do not. I got a couple offers but they were across the country, and they were not truly what I was looking for. And hey, by all means if someone gave me a reason to move across the country I would. But I am not in that stage of my life and was not offered something I thought was worth the travel. So then what....? Well I have been applying everywhere in hopes of getting a job that will fulfill my wants, needs, and loves. This may not seem like enough but....... I have a lot more going on then you tangibly see.

Backstage in my life I have many projects in which I am pouring my heart and soul into. Things I have dreamt about doing... I am doing. Or at least I am attempting on doing them. Curious? Well I was hesitant to reveal anything in fear of jinxing myself, but I decided why not? Why not share with everyone what I am spending all my lovely free time doing? Aside from planning a trip to Hawaii, drawing up potential tattoos, learning drums(wink wink Glenn), and spending valuable time with family and friends I am writing my first book and starting my own company. Wait.. WHAT? Starting my own company..?? Yes indeed I am. I am in the designing stages but it is looking incredible, and I can not wait to share it with the world. Now what kind of company would this be...? Well without releasing too much information it is a company that will offer something for everyone and make a difference in the world at the same time. Exciting right?! In terms of my book, it is emotionally draining, but it's incredible to potentially share my words, my deepest thoughts and feelings, and my love with everyone. Things are going to be crazy for the next year or so..hopefully for the rest of my life:), and I just wanted to tell everyone what is currently going on.

We all have our aspirations in life. Some of which are reached and some that fall short. I have prided myself on my ideals and hopes because I know if I don't put all the pieces together in my life I will forever regret it. Being a person with such high aspirations for myself, maybe more than I should have, there are high bars to reach, but I know I can do it. I have learned throughout all my years of school, and just life in general, that if you set your mind to something you will get it. Fighting for what you love is what living is all about. We live for what we love, we conquer, and we grow in the process. Remember success is measured by your internal feelings and not what others label it at. If you are happy with your life and your accomplishments thus far then YOU are successful. Don't let anyone take that away from you.

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

Blackened Beauty

As the tears fall from the ceiling above
A story is told, one uncharacteristic of
Uncharacteristic of her simplistic life's tale
One which has blocked her from the ability to prevail-

She has an eternity to lose, while he has the world to gain
To him she's merely the dust collected on each window pane
Dust soon to be forgotten, soon to be left behind
A memory blown away as if they had never been intertwined-

What's come of them, a rain drop in a storm of the mass
What could of been love, one which fear did harass
Beauty blackened by the fire they blew out
Now merely ashes left in memories of doubt-

Is happiness something you search for?
Or is happiness something we tend to ignore?
Found in the simplicity we tend to forget
Moments we look back on and unfortunately regret...

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

Misconstrued as a Perfect Alright

When it's time to sleep we fall to the dreams of night. While one may weep another may be alright- Haunting's of forever contain each stop light of the day.The possibility of a never hides her in the shades of grey- The simplicity's we may conceptualize. A syndication only known to the wise- For simplistic sense is merely not sense at all. Rather a complicated defense hidden behind every wall- Dreams encompass many ideals of faith. While reality lives in the lives of the unsafe- Now isn't reality the safest endeavor? When sadly considering a lonely forever- Or is dreaming the one risky route? For which our thoughts can not live without- So shall I close my eyes tonight? In fear of not waking up to a perfect alright- While perfection swims in the hopes of our neighbors. Ambitions of perfection drown with our saviors- When thoughts reach imperfection we know it is true. For perfection is a thought which we tend to misconstrue- An imperfect being is the perfection in itself. Attaining that level is conveyed through yourself-

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

Reverse Thoughts

As humans- we aim to attain the things we WANT in life as opposed to the things we actually need. What happens to those things in life we need as our minds become so utterly consumed and lost in ideal thoughts of reaching for things that we want?

It sometimes is a good characteristic to be able to take life in a more 'general sense' -rather being able to look at the 'birds eye view' of life in order to fully see where you are at. What do you have? Ultimately the things you want...the things you need...or do you have neither or maybe both?

We, as individuals submerged in such a modern age, have been taught and trained to have the drive to attain our goals, our dreams, or those goals and expectations others have set upon us, attainable or not. Now, don't get me wrong this is an incredible attribute to have. I am actually 150 percent guilty of focusing on only this attribute alone. I tend to be the ultimate dreamer and ultimately I throw the realism in life away. However; when you think about it...what happens to those who are so caught up in the process and journey of getting the things they want in life... like myself? It just so happens that the essentials in their lives take a back seat and therefore; become lost is the shadows of their wants.

I too often see people striving for careers, love, money, or whatever it maybe that beats in their heart as a want. They get caught in this tornado of wants and forget about the other important things in life, and they forget about the things that they ultimately can't live without. Yes, it's significant to have goals in life...we all must agree on that, but it is also just as significant to have friends, family, a foundation, and really a sense of realism in some respect. You shouldn't just strive to be what you want to be, but rather you should strive to be who you are. I say this from my own mouth, from my heart, because in my journey of attaining the things I want so dearly in my life, for my future, I too have lost myself. While I focus so much on what I COULD reach, attain, gain, grab onto, conquer, etc I haven't been enjoying the now. I haven't been loving life so to speak...And isn't that ideally what wanting something is for? To get to the point of loving life? So why do we waste so much time not loving the life we are living now, and focusing so much on the possibility to love life in the future. This may sound confusing to some, but again there's nothing wrong with confusion. Just think about it for a second. . .

While people strive to reach a goal, a want, or something they unfortunently do not currently have- they become so fixated on that thing that they lose sight on what is actually going on in front of their own two eyes. Moreover; They miss out on the little things in life. Whether that is spending more time with family and friends, enjoying years in high school and college, or merely a simple smile someone gives them as they walk by. We tend to miss out of the things that could make us happy NOW in hopes of reaching a possibility for a better happy LATER. Imagine if we all tried to focus on the now while integrating our goals for the later...the future. Can you imagine the possibility for happiness then? I mean this may just sound crazy, but we could have the wants and the needs...and maybe more than that.

Thinking in reverse is something I've been trying to do recently. It allows for such a unique view on things. It allows for such a realistic dreamer view on life. Possible?? I don't know...you tell me...


Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

Loves Armour

Hiding behind loves armour, afraid to fully consume. Climbing to a level on honor, afraid to let go of what you quietly assume. Left in broken darkness, a fear always feared. Only your heart unable to confess, A slate never completely cleared...

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

The Cliche' we Call Love-

A human's heart is one in which we treasure. Locking it away by infinite defensive measure. As fragile as the window you stare out of. As vulnerable to pain as it is to the art of undeniable love. We risk so much to fall. Yet when we've fallen we wish we'd never let down that wall. .. While emotion flows from lover's tounge. A heart blackens-much like that of smoker's lung. Stereotypical love is that of which we aim for. When stereotypical perfection turns into a reality of imperfectional decor. Simplistic endeavors of a happy ever after. Fallen short of expectations-down to the loss of laughter. Complexity rises with each glare into the other's eyes. A relationship which has undoubtedly lost all elements of surprise. What once took your breath away. Has now become it's very own cliche'. Was it the disease we call love? Or is love merely something undreamed of...

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

With Each Finger That Crosses Comes a Story Worth Telling...

A courtesy of emotion flows from your tongue
Words that lose us in each song that you've sung-

Stereotypical love is that of which is lost in perfection
Us-this is far from stereotypes-quite the perfect imperfection-

Simplistic memories of how we met
Knowledge to my heart-you'd be a potential threat-

The clock ticked-hands were held and lips were kissed
The clock ticked-smiles were shared while hearts tried to resist-


The clocked ticked-while her emotions poured out and hearts got involved
The clocked ticked-She was buried underneath happiness, while for him emotions dissolved-

The clocked ticked-Wrong words were said and fears did persist
The clock ticked-Pictures were left and memories newly missed-

Consumption of her mind was all the love she lost
For so long in hopes he was the one, her fingers were strongly crossed-

Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

Lost in Each Open Road

Are sinners always full of sins while good-doers always do good? Or are we blinded by these walls that may be wrong or misunderstood? Do we lose ourselves in pity as we party away the toxins in this city? Reeking of our mistakes from the night before, souls completely lost- past praying for. While those suffer in the rain deferring their minds of any of the pain-wasteful hearts linger and those in need are lost in the words of every singer. Words are just words until they are put into motion. But acts aren't made acts in fear of stirring up any sort of commotion. We appeal to those around us in order to fit in. Consequently running from who we truly are- deep down from within. Each endeavored moment is a history lesson in the making. Whether it is life changing or unfortunently heart breaking.


Perfectly Imperfect
xoxo
Crystal Kimberly

Accessorize Life-The SAL Method

When thinking about life and the different ways to jazz it up...what do you think about? Of course the first thing that comes to a girls mind might be a nice pair of boots, a slammin' necklace, maybe a big ass ring...Guys may think...a nice hat, maybe a wallet or even sunglasses...but there are some other really solid ways to 'accessorize life'. When taking a deep look into the world around you...what do you really see? Do you choose to focus in on what people are wearing, what brand their purses are or what kind of jeans they are parading around in? Or do you look deeper than that? Do you take the time to stop and reflect on who that person is? Accessories are definitely a way to find individuality and express it externally. However; there are other significant accessories of life. Rather than focusing on name brands, layers of necklaces, tall or short boots, hats or not, things like emotions, actions, and spontaneity are also ways to 'accessorize' your life. Instead of putting all our efforts into how we look, why don't we take the time to spread Love around the world or partake in a Spontaneous activity, or even take Action in our communities to help another person? I call this SAL. If we took the time to endeavor into more spontaneous activities-we'd have more smiles to spread around the world. We'd have more stories to tell the person standing next to us. We'd have more emotions inside of us ready to radiate to our closest neighbor. If we took the same amount of time to go out and take ACTION in our communities, in our dreams, and in our lives, as we take in the morning to get ready for the day an imperative difference in the world would occur. Moreover; what if we took all the Love we had the capability to exuberant to others and did so daily. It's the little things that make the biggest differences in this world. So the next time you are looking in the mirror trying to choose the right accessory for the day just put on a smile. It's the best accessory out there...Trust me.


xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

Question marks of Life

I was reading someones blog this morning and it inspired me to think more in depth. It allowed me to look at the essentials in life, that we seem to overlook, as a critical endeavor. We need to begin to analyze them to a degree in which we can find the truth. Find the truth as to why we fear questions? Why we ultimately fear vulnerability? In a way this blog relates to my latest blog 'Plastic Faces'. Such simplistic relations like someone pretending to know the ins and outs of everything when in reality they clearly do not...

Now it may seem ironic asking a question about questions, but I find it suitable for the topic. Ultimately I don't know the answer...therefore; I am merely attempting to develop a rationale behind it and in order to do that I need to learn. I need YOU to help me develop this mindset...my underlying goal is to learn. (Something people lack the drive and ability to do anymore these days)

Questions-what are they really? Are they a way to find an answer or are they merely a way to get to know your surroundings, to get to know someone, or even a simplistic way to get to know yourself? The words "I know I hesitate some times to ask even the simplest questions because we as people love to portray confidence and knowledge." were stated in this blog. This statement-as hard as it is to admit-is true for 95% of today's population. Why is it that if we do not know how to do something, we attempt to pretend to know rather than just asking for a hand? We are so consumed in desiring confidence, knowledge, acceptance, and superiority that we lack the ability to admit we need help. It's like we have all built these walls with no windows. We don't want anyone else to see us vulnerable, to see us lack the knowledge to do something. But when you think about it, don't you want to take the opportunity to LEARN how to do that something rather than go through life never knowing? It's like everyone's fear gets in the way of them prospering in life.

Which brings me to my next thought...The picture of a crowded elevator at the top of this blog intrigued me. One question I would like to ask you all is, why are we so fearful to ask others questions about themselves? Why do we not give strangers the opportunity to tell their story? Think about it...Close your eyes and picture walking in Times Square on a Friday afternoon. It's crazy- hundreds of people walking in a fuzz, while hundreds more are in yellow taxi cabs, speeding cars, and buses driving by...That amounts to thousands of people...Imagine how many potential stories there are in one area of the world. Imagine the possibility and the caliber of knowledge one could attain from asking each of those individuals a question about themselves. Yet again, fear has intruded into our lives and has made us incapable of letting go. It's caused us to fear developing a sincere connection with someone-right or wrong-our insecurities cause us to lose out on the potential of an amazing thing. Think of all you could learn from ONE person let alone thousands of them...or even a world of them... It's sad to me how we don't venture into giving people the chance, a mere moment in your life to answer a question. We look strangers in the eyes and really only see the fact that they are a stranger and we avoid any possible confrontation, any unsafe possibilities it may come with. Rather if we took an in depth look into someones soul we could see how each and every person has a life story. They are too someones brother, mother, father, daughter, niece, son, grandmother, best friend, enemy, etc. etc.

When you look at your life, what do you see? I see 21 years of being a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, and a friend. It's been 21 years of adventure. 21 years of ups and downs that we call life, all of which I have been lucky enough to learn new things I never deemed possible. Now if you asked every person what they saw their life encompassing, wouldn't you find it incredible to hear their personal stories? What THEY have learned, who they have met..who they are and who they want to be? I know I would. To think by asking someone a simple question we could learn all this...So why don't we? It's time to disregard any insecurities we may have. It's time to give others a chance to make an impact, and ultimately a difference in our lives. It's time to ask questions...It's time to "gain an honest trust" as Kyle says in his blog. In order to do this we need to let go of our boundaries and venture into the unknown...As this new year approaches-think twice about the person who grazes your shoulder as they walk past you. Think twice about the individual holding the door open for you on your busy lunch hour, think twice about the girl on the subway crying. Everyone has their own story to tell-give them a chance to tell it...Embrace the knowledge this world has the ability to give you...Embrace the hearts that surround you. You never know, someone could change your life-or better yet YOU could change someone else's life...

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly

Oh and check out Kyle's blog-He's got some amazing things to say that could provide you with the answers to YOUR life questions...
http://www.kyleroeger.tumblr.com