the equality of love.

to be loved or to love more.

i can't help but ponder about a conversation that my best friend + i had last week. the question i was asked was, in a relationship of two people, does one of those individuals love the other more? in a serious relationship, where both people confess to being madly in love, is there one of them that is actually more in love than the other?

well.. my initial thought is yes. in twenty five years, as many of those close to me know, i have been in a decent amount of relationships. welp, i would go as far as to say there has been minuscule amounts of time in my life where i was actually single. throughout all of those relationships there has always been someone whom i believed was loved less. sometimes it was the person i was with + sometimes it was me. of course at that moment + time i wasn't knowing of this, but looking back analyzations show truth that the relationship did not work, because the love was not equal. but then again ... someone could argue that it was not true or real love if someone was being loved less. love is supposed to be equal. love is supposed to be mutual. love is supposed to be free + real. right? so really how can someone conclude that? who are we to compare each others feelings? that is like comparing our suffering with another's suffering. my love is different than your love. my way of showing love is also different than someone else's way. yes, there are societal expectations of how to show love or how to be in love, but there is no concrete right or wrong way to BE IN love.

love is precious + delicate. well, so are we. we each have had our own experiences. we each have had our own struggle. our own past. you cant take love + life + put numbers to it. feelings are not statistics. feelings are vulnerable + ever changing. love is unique + imperfect. it is not comparable as much as we in this society try to make it. all the medium out there that portrays the 'ideal' act of love- just because love is portrayed in certain ways on the television, in a movie or book, or even in a melody to a song... those outlets of that view of love are there, but it doesn't mean those are the only ways to love or be loved. if someone is in a relationship they have a relationship that NO ONE else in this world has. why? well because you are the only YOU + same goes for the other person in that very relationship. no one else in this world can have that. meaning, how would you ever know if one of you loved the other more? you wouldn't. i mean...you could presume or convince yourself that you love your significant other more because they say 'i love you' less or they don't buy you a gift just because like you do. but isn't that what gets in the way of love in the first place? aren't we distracted by the ideal, perfect love BECAUSE of society? + doesn't that 'ideal love' cause our relationships to fight + struggle + hurt? yes it does. simple answer.

so to me the question is not really, does someone in a relationship love more than their significant other? the question is are you TRULY in love? + guess what? the only way to find that out is to live + love them. it is to grow with that person +  if nothing else learn from each other. people may look at me and think, 'gosh she has been in many relationships.' but who cares? i sure don't. love is an amazing thing. i do not regret a single thing in this world. + i do not care what others think. i only care that i am now certain; due to my past experiences, past loves, past mistakes, that i have found my true love. my penguin. my soul mate. it may have taken years of heartbreak. it may have taken thinking i was in love when i was not. + it may have taken me being in love + losing that to see that my current relationship is equal. it imperfect + real at the same time, + that kind of makes it perfect.

in conclusion; i find questioning whether you are in a relationship where the love is not equal to actually be your loves demise. love is about trusting. if you trust your love + your significant other...let time + life show you if you are equal. if you are meant to be. there is no real concrete way to tell if you are both loving equally. this isn't an equation or a class for one semester in school. this is life + you should be fair to yourself. love fully + everything else will fall into place.

it is something to think about. i love you all. thanks for reading + if you have a different thought process tell me! i'd love to hear them!

xoxo
perfectly imperfect
crystal caisse

nightly gratitude's.

so it has been some time since i have confessed my gratitude's to the universe. i find it necessary to reveal this vulnerable self. to discuss what + whom i am thankful for. it keeps a certain sense of humility + self awareness. it rejuvenates my mind. it makes life almost have more of a meaning. more of a purpose. but most importantly my entries for nightly gratitude's reminds me of what is important + why i am where i am. too often we, as humans, get caught up in the busy day to day tasks. too often we get lost in routine + we lose that spontaneous charisma. we forget, rather lose, that spark that makes life interesting.

since my last nightly gratitude entry a lot has changed in my life. a lot has happened, both good + challenging. i have grown from the twenty year old i was when i started this blog to the twenty five year old i am now.

thus ...

i am grateful for the timeline that creates a life.
i am grateful for the challenge of true love.
i am grateful for my best friend, jami schultz, a.k.a jami james.
i am grateful for second chances.
i am grateful for a forgiving heart.
i am grateful for risk taking.
i am grateful for a driven mind.
i am grateful for dreams having the ability to become reality with the right fight.
i am grateful for freedom.
i am grateful for my past experiences.
i am grateful for kindness, from myself to others + from others to myself.
i am grateful for who i have become in such a short amount of time.
i am grateful for the strength that i have inherited from both my parents + the tribulations of the past.
i am grateful for mistakes.
i am grateful for being lovestrong.
i am grateful for the lifestyle being a vegetarian has brought me.
i am grateful for the dangerous yet beautiful force of hope.
i am grateful for never being ordinary.
i am grateful for the laughing my soulmate brings to me.
i am grateful for my ability to never have given up on love in my twenty five years of life, because if i had given up i would of never met the person i would spend the rest of my life with.
i am grateful for him.
most importantly... i am grateful for the universe. the universe gives me the ability to 'want it all.' the universe has enabled me to dream. the universe has brought to me the good + the bad. the universe has made me who i am today. the universe has created each person, place, or thing to be it's own being. yet the universe leaves it up to us to live out how we want to be. who we want to be. where we want to be. i am grateful for the tools the universe has given me. with those tools i have become who i wanted to become + not what others have wanted or expected. tools such as; a camera to view this universe through my own lens. to create my own perspectives + viewpoints. tools like a keyboard to write my intense feelings + thoughts out in hope of inspiring someone elses universe. or the tool of conversation in which i am able to gain knowledge from others experiences + perspectives. these tools are just some of the many that the universe puts into my hand.


bottom line i am grateful for life + for those who support that life. what are you grateful for? remind yourself of that. i promise it'll create a new you.


much love
xoxo
perfectly imperfectly

crystal kimberly.