time.

'life is too short to even care at all. I'm losing my mind, my mind, my mind. I'm losing control.' -young the giant.

what is time anyway? is it the days on a calendar and the minutes on a clock? or is time merely something this world has created to make life past by? the past couple months i seem to have lost myself in work - more so than i ever have before. sadly, i work twelve, thirteen, fourteen hour days...and for what? to earn a paycheck...to ultimately break even paying bills? what is the typical response to this statement? well it's 'that's life.' well...is it? or is that what we make life? shouldn't life be more than that? shouldn't life be something we love in and out, upside down and right side up? shouldn't we look forward to the weekdays as much as we do the weekends? shouldn't we enjoy exploring into the seasons while enjoying the one we are currently in? it's hard to reflect on these thoughts when you are always running around doing this and trying to do that...but i have been slapped with reality in the past month and it's made me realize why I've always been a dreamer.

when i was a dreamer ...my dreams came true.

when i settled to being a realist...i fell victim to the accepted 'norm' we call life. i settled to what the typical life is....routine and boring.

not even eight months ago i was driving across the country, working on music videos, being spontaneous, seeing the world in a completely different mindset. I've allowed myself to get caught in the life i never wanted. and guess what...today i slapped myself in the face and woke up. i reminded myself that time isn't something to speed up. time is something we should want to slow down and spend doing things we WANT to do and NEED to do to be ....well happy to say the least.

i refuse to allow tomorrow to be another X on the calendar. i refuse to trade my time for X's. for days lost. before i knew it I looked into the mirror and i've become a twenty three year old. i need to snap out of comfort and typical endeavors in order to really live. i actually am so beyond excited to do so. i love my life and the people in it. i love that everyday i meet someone new. in fact- the other day at work i had an hour long conversation with an individual who works for the United States government. this individual dedicates his life to being the liaison between countries in eastern Africa and the USA fighting for funds to help those with diseases. those that have no ability to help themselves due to the lack of money in their non existent pockets. i learned so much from him and we shared many similarities and passions. he is one of many that i have met who have traveled and seen this world in a different light and it makes me driven to do the same.

it's not enough to want something...you need to fight for it. fighting leads to ability and potential which leads to a chance of doing, which ultimately is living.

everyday i undress new words. everyday i love and i lust. everyday i dream and settle. everyday i ponder and do. everyday i look for ways to improve and everyday i smile. i smile because; i know who i am, what i have done, what i want to do, and what i can do to get to where i want to be. i want to change lives. i do not want to just exist in the mold of things. i want to be the 'exception.' i want to take every second on a clock and do something with that second that will make a difference. cliche and corny? maybe. but that's me:-). take it or leave it. crystal's back yah'll. i can't wait to begin writing on this every week again and sharing a deeper insight into my life and others!

how i have missed you all!! :-)
Much love<3

xoxo
Perfectly Imperfect
Crystal Kimberly